« Cancer »

About 6 years ago, my aunt found out she had breast cancer. We were all very shocked, but glad it was treatable, though it would very difficult to endure. She had both chemotherapy & radiation therapy, which made her really sick. Not to mention all the other problems those treatments caused. The good cells are killed as well. She had to have a breast amputation which was so hard for her.

Lately my aunt has had problems with her belly. It felt really hard, looked a bit weird and caused her pain. So after a while she finally went to the hospital. They did some tests and it turned out that she had fluid in her belly. The doctors were concerned and decided to get the fluid out with big syringes and did a punction. They knew it wasn’t good.

So now my aunt and uncle came over with the news that the doctors did find cancer cells. Apparently they think it’s related to her breast cancer. They say the cancer is in the abdonimal tissue this time and that her body had tried to fight it with the fluid they found.

On Wednesday they have an appointment at the hospital. I’m terrified it won’t be treatable because of the location of the cancer cells. Not to mention her body still hasn’t fully healed yet, so there’s a possibility they might not be able to fight the cells with anything they want.

So please, pray that everything won’t be as bad as they think it is.

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« Loneliness »

• MIGHT TRIGGER • 


• You know what I really hate? Feeling lonely almost every single day, for hours. Doesn’t matter if I’m alone or among other people. No one ever cares about me. They pretend they do and when stuff gets difficult they just pretend I never even existed. It breaks my heart. I will never be good enough, for anyone. My pets are what’s keeping me going right now. 

• I hate it when people tell me to stop complaining about being lonely, because I’m too young for that shit and I’m not old and wasting away in a house where no one ever comes. No family, no friends. 

• I love (most of) my family and I feel extremely guilty that that’s not enough to stop me being suicidal. In an attempt to try to stay sane I self harm. It’s stopping me from doing anything worse. I know most people don’t understand this ‘logic’ and I can’t blame them to be honest. It’s just that I really can’t control my emotions anymore and it scares me. I’m also an emotional/comfort eater and it’s just making me feel so fat. Guess what? No one likes this fat idiot and I just feel lonely so often. It hurts. 

save me from myself, save me from this loneliness